Drinking Alcohol Cuts The Risk of Developing Arthritis By Half, Swedish Research Has Suggested
May 2, 2009 by Susan Denny
Feel like a bit of fun? Read the “spoof” below.
Taking a swig of Finnish vodka, Professor Hurd E Gurdy said: ‘Where is my pen gone? Ya, alcohol cuts the risk of thingy by half, so what? Want to make something of it?’
And another researcher, Anna Abbadabbasson, spilling a test tube of corrosive acid onto the floor, added: ‘Arthri-er, arth, shore fingersh are less likely with a good whack of Schmirnoff every day. Get off me, Hurd!’
In the research laboratory’s restaurant, a huge fist fight broke out after a lager and schnapps party was being held there to celebrate the findings, and paramedics had to treat 3 biologists for cuts and bruises, and one for a fractured jaw. And Professor Gurdy had more news to announce: ‘My liver transplant has been arranged for July, if I haven’t had a heart attack by then.’
Scientists have long known of the benefits of alcohol, such as giving plenty of overtime to policemen, and giving heart, liver and kidney surgeons lots of practice, but arthritis has no cure, and so it’s lucky that eating dandelions or walking backwards could just as easily ‘cut the risk’ of arthritis.
But speaking from America, from his Huge Electricity-Burning House on the Prairie, after parking his Lear jet beside it, Nobel Prize winner Al ‘Alky’ Gore said: ‘I suppose you can take a few simple facts and make them mean anything, sure worked for me.’ Johnny Walker was on holiday in Japan.
Real Life Morals
April 11, 2009 by Susan Denny
A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, “My father’s a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.
“What’s the moral of that story?” asked the teacher.
“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket!” “Very good,” said the teacher.
Next, little Sarah raised her hand and said, “Our family are Farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, ‘Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched’.”
“That was a fine story Sarah.” said the teacher. “Michael, do you have a story to share?”
“Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn’t break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.”
“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?”
“Stay the heck away from Aunty Sharon when she’s been drinking!!”
A Win To The Liquor Industy In Australia With The Government Overturning The ‘Alcopops’ Tax
March 19, 2009 by Susan Denny
From “The Australian” 19th March 2009
THE Rudd Government will be forced to hand back $300 million to distillers after the Senate voted down the 70 per cent tax increase on alcopops last night in the culmination of another chaotic performance from the Opposition.
After a Coalition senator failed to turn up for the vote, the controversial alcopops tax was defeated in a second ballot when Family First senator Steve Fielding sided with the Opposition.
The Government introduced the tax hike by regulation in April last year with 12 months to win approval from the parliament before having to refund the revenue raised. With the defeat of the Bill last night, the tax will have to be refunded.
The Opposition offered a way out by voting to validate the taxes already collected.
“The last thing we want to see is a bad outcome out of a tax grab that has gone terribly wrong,” Opposition health spokesman Peter Dutton said.
To underline its political point, the Government has rejected the move, which will cost $1.6 billion in the budget forward estimates.
Health Minister Nicola Roxon said: “If the Liberal Party didn’t want to return this money, they should have supported this bill.
“We believed this was a sensible tax putting all spirits on to the same base, closing a loophole created by Mr Costello (former treasurer Peter Costello) that saw the consumption of these products skyrocket.”
Deputy Prime Minister Julia Gillard said last night that although the distillers had suggested the $300million in collected taxes be spent on alcohol rehabilitation programs, legally the Government did not have an option.
“The legal position is clear,” Ms Gillard said on ABC’s Lateline. “Our obligation is to return the tax dollars to the distillers.”
The Senate rejected the alcopops tax after a day of low farce and high drama. Senator Fielding voted with the Coalition after his ban on television alcohol advertising during sporting programs in children’s viewing time was rejected by the Government, giving opponents of the tax the numbers.
Senators were stunned when a count showed the Government had won the vote.
The Opposition leadership team and whip Stephen Parry went into a huddle.
Moments later a sheepish Country-Liberal Party senator Nigel Scullion got to his feet to beg the forgiveness of the Senate. He had missed the vote, he explained, because of “an inadvertent error”.
“I was caught in a stairwell having an impromptu meeting,” Senator Scullion said. “I didn’t hear the bells.”
To compound his error, he was not carrying his pager. Following convention, the vote was held again – but not before harsh words had been exchanged.
Senator Fielding blamed the Government for his decision. “We all know that alcohol is linked to sport and that needs to be broken,” the Family First senator said.
“The Rudd Government has missed an opportunity to break that link. It’s crazy.”
Senator Fielding claimed the concessions won by his fellow crossbenchers, $50 million of health funding measures to cut alcohol abuse and mandatory warning labels on bottles and cans, could still proceed.
Ms Roxon said these had been lost with the bill. She called the advertising demand “a decision for government, not Senator Fielding”.
“A decision to change advertising that affects the sporting industry, the broadcasting industry and many more should be one that is taken properly in a considered way,” the Health Minister said.
The Distilled Spirits Industry Council of Australia welcomed the vote.
“The senators who made the right decision in rejecting the Government’s tax grab on RTDs realised that a tax was not a solution to problem drinking,” the council’s research manager Stephen Riden said.
“Now is the time that all parties start working together to create a community-wide, comprehensive approach to the issue.”
Mr Riden said the Government should heed the Liberals’ call and keep the revenue raised to tackle alcohol abuse.
Having Fun With Cocktails!
February 24, 2009 by Susan Denny
Did you know that there are hundreds or maybe thousands of ways to create great cocktails?
All it takes is the right mix of ingredients and you end up with an outstanding concoction!
We are agents for “Quittin’ Time”, a supplier of the world’s best rums! These rums have never been seen before on Australian shores like Brinley Gold Flavored Rums, such as Vanilla, Coconut, Mango, Coffee and Lime, La Mauny Rum Punches and full flavored rums from Martinique, and Premium Riviere Du Mat Rums from Reunion Island east of Madagascar.
Our product is Fun LED Glassware so we decided to experiment using different flavoured rums in our wonderful light up glasses.
One of our best recipes, (our version of a Piña Colada Smoothy), which we then poured into light-up Margarita glasses, contained the following ingredients:
- 1 part Brinley Gold Coconut Rum
- 4 parts La Mauny Piña Colada
- 1 banana
- 1 slice fresh pineapple
Fill a blender with ice, pour in the rums, add the banana and pineapple, and blend it all together. Pour into the glass and garnish with a slice of pineapple.
What you end up with is a refreshing Summer drink, but don’t drink too quickly or you’ll end up with an “ice” headache! Enjoy!!
Don’t Steal Someone Else’s Drink!
February 20, 2009 by Susan Denny
A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, ‘What’cha gonna do about it?’
The poor little guy starts crying.
‘Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,’ the biker says. ‘I didn’t think you’d CRY.’ ‘I can’t stand to see a man crying.
“This is the worst day of my life,” says the little guy between sobs. “I can’t do anything right.” “I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me.”
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don’t have any insurance.
I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me.
So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison.